Detective Presents Warning Signs of Cyberbullying, Sexting

ERMA — Today’s teens live in a different world than their parents experienced 15-20 years ago.
It’s a world where the Internet can be used to send harassing messages unanimously, where adult sexual predators befriend teens through social networking sites and some teens send nude pictures of themselves via their cell phones to members of the opposite sex.
Cyberbulling and sexting may be new terms for many parents. The county Prosecutor’s Office in conjunction with Lower Cape May Regional School District presented a program Nov. 18 on Internet safety for parents.
Melisha Anderson-Ruiz, community justice coordinator for the county Prosecutor’s Office, said a lot of parents don’t know what their children are doing on the Internet or what they are learning on sites such as MySpace or Facebook. She said a number of local teens have been harassed on line or cyberstalked.
Anderson-Ruiz said instances of sexting, the sending of nude or semi-nude photos of themselves or others or explicit messages, have involved children as young as the third grade.
Prosecutor’s Office Detective Brian Hamilton said photos sent by sexting could be shared with many people such as an entire high school. He said guys will often share nude photos sent to them by their girlfriends.
He said 35 presentations on Internet safety have been scheduled for students. Hamilton handles computer and cell phone crimes for the Prosecutor’s Office.
Parents need to give their children rules for Internet use, said Hamilton. He said it was unrealistic to tell your kids they cannot use a cell phone or social networking sites.
Hamilton said parents needed to have two-way conversation with their children about their on line and cell phone activities.
He said risky behaviors on line included “friending” unknown people on sites such as Facebook or MySpace, posting personal information, embarrassing or harassing others, talking about sex, sending or posting provocative images, sharing passwords with friends, clicking on pop-ups, posting photos of someone else without their consent, stealing passwords to assume someone else’s identity and threatening or harassing someone with offensive language.
Hamilton described cyberbullying as sending something bad or embarrassing about someone else or saying you are someone else and sending something offensive about another person. As an example, he said someone could send a text message calling someone a slut, something a person would not do face to face. Sending an embarrassing photo of someone else is also cyberbullying, he said.
Hamilton offered signs of a teen being cyberbullied:
• Stop using their computer or cell phone.
• Act nervous when they receive an email or text message such as covering it up quickly.
• Seem uneasy about going to school.
• Withdraw from family and friends.
He said teens should not respond to threats.
“Two wrongs don’t make a right,” said Hamilton. “Don’t send anything back.”
He said teens could block a particular phone number, change their cell phone or email account or not allow text messages. If the harassment is a matter in which police should get involved, the messages should be saved.
Hamilton said he was able to get deleted messages from cell phones but it was difficult. He said it was fairly easy to recover deleted emails.
Hamilton said it was important teens know they can approach their parents when they have a problem.
He advised that screen names should not indicate the gender of the person. Hamilton suggested access to personal information on sites such as Facebook should be limited to only friends by setting it on “private.”
“You should know each of the friends on your child’s Facebook or MySpace or AIM account page,” he said.
Hamilton said the odds of an on line predator to coming to a teen’s home is very small. He said one-in-three teens get sexually solicited on line.
On line predators attempt to build a relationship with your child to build a bond for the purpose of meeting for sex, said Hamilton. That may include sending gifts to the child by mail and meeting for innocent activities such as going out for ice cream.
Predators may pretend to be teens when they are actually much older, he said. Warning signs of a relationship with a predator include a child spending long hours on line, making calls to unknown phone numbers, turning away from the family, minimizing the screen or turning off the computer when a parent enters the room or typing in “POS” which means “parent over shoulder.”
Hamilton said parent should set rules of which sites their children can visit, who they can talk to, how much time they can spend on line or put the computer in a common room of the house instead of a bedroom.
He said software is available such as Spector Pro or WebWatcher to see what your children are doing on line.
Hamilton said the number one rule was to never meet someone in person that you have met on line. If a meeting is arranged, a parent should come along, he said.