“To save or spend…a matter of patriotism?”

I never realized how much the economic system depended on how many television sets and dinners for four I bought, until I decided to start saving money, and the Econocops stopped by for a visit.
“Mr. Rebmann, we see from a check of your credit card usage reports that you haven’t been whipping out the plastic much lately.”
In fact, the last time I used it was to buy jewelry as a Christmas gift for the wife. No, I’m not an incurable romantic, the last time before that was to buy box seats for myself at a Phillies game.
“Money’s tight,” I explained.
“Not good enough, Mr Rebmann. We’re writing you a ticket for insufficient participation in our nation’s economic recovery program. You’re sentenced to buy three new sets of shower curtains at the nearest Bed, Bath, and Beyond.”
“Sir, aren’t they closing up? What good would it do the economy for me to buy anything there?”
“Wal-Mart, then. And throw in a power tool while you’re at it.”
I know it sounds far fetched, plain clothes cops coming to your door to roust you out to the mall to do your civic shopping duty but there are economic experts out there pontificating that America’s rediscovery of the savings ethic may actually hinder the nation’s effort to pick itself up by the shoestrings (frayed) and get going again.
So I’m in a quandary. What do I do with that extra $7 I had after paying off the gas man, grocery man, electric man, insurance man, and tax man last month.
The money was burning a hole in my pocket.
At first, I decide I want to put it away for a rainy day, but how?
If I buy stock with it, the $7 will be worth about twelve cents by the end of the week. I know, if I hold onto the stock for 42 years, it’ll double in value, my stock broker promises. Trust me.
“No thanks, Mr. Madoff.” I say.
If I put it in the bank, the CEO will probably take it for himself as a bonus.
If I hide it under the mattress, econocops will find out and I’ll have to go back to Wal Mart. Something depresses me about going into that store and being greeted by the 97 year old lady who had to go back to work because her 401k tanked.
I was in a quandary. I didn’t want to spend the money and I couldn’t figure out a safe way to save it. I went for a walk to weigh my options.
I happened to pass a church and, miracle of miracles, the door wasn’t locked. I received my answer before my knees ever touched a pew.
Figuring there are powers in this universe more capable than I at unraveling life’s mysteries, I tossed the $7 in the poor box and left the church feeling lighter in spirit and pocket.
At least I can count on the churches not going out of business soon.

Any great savings tips you’d like to share with your fellow sufferers? Add a comment below or email me at rebmannray@hotmail.com