Let's get something straight on miscarriages and infertility issues. I have had neither. I am sure if it was up to me I would have a million babies. If pregnancy wasn't filled with endless morning sickness I might be up to the task. I don't mean to say this to boast. I say this to show that I do not know what it is like to have a miscarriage or have infertility. So, why am I writing? Because, I have seen my friends deal with this? It is hard to watch and I am never quite sure how to respond.

I read this blog post on New Jersey Moms(who I also write for now...wahoo) about a woman that has suffered and spent endless amounts of money on fertility treatments. She now has one child and has written a post on a person that is trying desperately to have a child. So, between my friends and I these are some rules to follow by.

Rule #1

Don't tell the person to relax. (This doesn't help this person. I can imagine it would make me mad if it was me and over all that comment would not help me to relax.)

Rule #2

Do not tell the person that the baby will come at the right time.(These people have been waiting and waiting and trying to have a baby. They are waiting. The woman is getting older and her clock is ticking...lets not mention anything about "time"....it might just remind her about the maternal clock. That is not a good idea.)

Rule #3

If a miscarriage happens, don't act like it hasn't. This baby was living inside the mother for how ever long. She/he was a growing living thing inside. The mother's heart was making room to love another or her first child. (approach this subject like you would any other living loss with respect, love and sympathy. I had a family member who wished that her miscarriage was not a hush hush topic and that she could talk openly about it. She had made room in her family for this baby. She was excited. She was not a few weeks along. People mourning with her and offering a shoulder to cry on is far better than the whispering "did you hear so and so" lost their baby. Gossip is disrespectful. If you know the person, you know how they view death and how you should properly act. Give them distance to deal with their personal lost or embrace them with love and show how sorry you are that they are by going through this.)

I read this blog entry about infertility and It made me think. The way I was approaching infertility and miscarriages could be all wrong. What do you think? How do you react to a very personal difficulty or loss? Do you have manners?