The delivery of my first son was not what I had expected. To save you the heartbreak, I will sum it up in 3 words: chaotic, heart wrenching, and Children's Hospital. The moment that most moms dream of, holding their precious baby, was delayed by 3 days until I joined my child up in Philly. Until this day, I don't know why this moment was taken from us. I still feel that this was a default action that left me as if birth had not been experienced and it left me in a daze. Needless to say, as the 3 days passed, I stayed and recovered at Burdette Tomlin. Meanwhile, Mr. 5 year old (who is now very healthy - THANK GOD!!) was in and out of surgery. To say the least, I was disappointed by the cards that we had been dealt. I was left asking questions of "why," and I was left with many feelings of dissatisfaction with how the medical industry had handled the situation. So many mistakes had happened.

As my family and friends rallied around my husband and me, I swore that was the last child I would have. I just couldn't seem to put myself at risk for the heart break that might have been served to us again. So many questions were still unanswered, but the lack of satisfaction with the size of our family crept in day after day. By the time Mr. 5 year old was 3 years old, I knew that I was ready to take the chance. I was ready to take the leap of trusting God with another child, to trusting my doctors and nurses, and to giving the gift of a sibling to my son. Yet, this time I was not ready to do it alone.

As details were ironed out, a friend of mine was finishing up Midwife school in Florida. I eagerly listened as she explained a new growing phenomenon that is called doulaship. A doula, described as a patient advocate, is a medically knowledgeable person that becomes a friend of the expecting parents over the 9 months. She discusses the birth dreams of each parent and how they would like the day to be played out. She discusses "what if" scenarios and back up plans. She attends the birth. The doula does her best on the delivery day to make sure the day goes as planned, and if things go chaotic (as in the birth of my own child,) she keeps things explained to the parents and she keeps the medical staff on track. She is the missing link in the birth experience.

If only I knew about doulas during the days on my first born. What heart break would have been saved, and what a different experience it could have been. I never blamed my doctor, in fact I think he is a phenomenal man. I blamed the craziness of the situation and the fact that no one was aware of what my husband and I really wanted. In all reality, we still could have our moment as we were waiting for the transportation to take our little man to the hospital. We could have held him right then and there. No one thought to ask though. No one thought "I wonder if," and no one was there to make sure everything was explained to us. No one was the in between person. The medical staff made our decisions. We stood there in shock and let them.

Our second baby arrived by c-section with a doula on one side and my husband on the other. I was never left in the room alone. The baby was never in the nursery alone. The ratio was 1 to 1. Someone always had someone watching everything that was going on. Tara, my doula, is still one of my best friends. She has shared one of the most beautiful days with our family. My husband and I knew we had made the right choice including a doula in our birth plan the second time around. Tara was our advocate. Tara was on our side. She set the nurses on track for our wants and wishes, and if one wasn't listening, Tara took her out of the room to make the point clearer.

We had the second baby at the same hospital, with the same awesome doctor. He worked along with Tara and let her in the operation room. If things were medically fragile, as they were the first time around, there is no doubt in my mind that Tara would have made it the best day possible.

Although I love both of my boys, the second time around, the birth mom was happy! The baby was healthy and the day was beautiful. It was just the way my husband and I wanted it.