From the Publisher’s Wife:

You know how it all began, there was an annoying little creature whizzing around my face. I would slap at him in the always-futile hope of getting him before all of his family for several generations came to inhabit my kitchen, pantry and even my dining room. I was never fast enough and they were mercilessly mocking – land-ing in ever growing numbers right before my eyes, on the counter, on the cabinets – they were everywhere!
I had done the search for the source of their pleasure and sustenance; a forgotten banana peel, rotting sweet potatoes, smelly garbage, etc. I evicted it all. I even went to the extremes of keeping all our produce out on the back porch.

They were temporary victories but they only lulled me into a false smugness thinking that I had won – only to be surrounded again by the obnoxious, winged critter that was by now making me slap at the air like a crazy person! This was war and I had entered in a new phase of battle. It was TIME TO GET SERIOUS!! I went to my new Apple computer, which through Google is now the source of all knowledge. On the fourth attempt to open the machine, I located the Google bar and typed in the fateful code “how to eliminate fruit flies.” Opened be-fore me was the answer to my problem – in fact, 11 answers to my problem. See for yourself on wiki-how.com.

I immediately went to work contracting two kinds of traps. The battle strategy was simple – put a piece of fruit in a bowl along with some balsamic vinegar, cover it with saran wrap and poke small holes in the wrap. The theory is that they can crawl in, guzzle vinegar to their fill and then be unable to figure out that they can exit through the same hole they came in.

The second trap consisted of a small zipper storage bag, also with a delectable bit of rotting fruit tantaliz-ingly near the opening. I, the brave warrior, was sup-posed to wait for the nasty bugger to get in there in large numbers, then zip them closed and neatly toss out the bag, fruit, dead critters and all. This trap was a failure because it required constant vigilance to know where to zip up and toss; they were going in and out like drunken sailors at a bar.

The saran wrap bowl however was a great success - so I created several. I wanted to end this war and take no prisoners. I had no compassion – the only good fruit fly was a dead fruit fly and the whole family was cheering me on to victory. They cheered when I had a high body count in one bowl and suggested alterations in the set up when another bowl wasn’t enticing enough. I confess to putting one covered bowl in the microwave on high for 10 seconds to ensure that all those buzzing critters were truly dead and not just play-ing possum in hopes of escaping where I washed the dish. That was my own flourish – not found on wiki-how.

Now that we are fruit fly free, I have to tell you that not all humans in this fight against the invaders are as cold hearted as I. Every trapped fly was cheered and I gloated over their diminishing numbers. I brought in the rest of the family to cheer the high body count. In the list of those suggestions, you can see a tamer, gen-tler warrior than I because the last suggestion is number 11 – how to “TRAP and RELEASE” – I just ask if you are releasing your fruit flies, don’t do it near our house.

PATRICIA HALL